9-9-09

The day before yesterday was September 9, 2009 the big 09-09-09. To some I am sure there was a numerical meaning in this rare date and alignment of numbers. Numerology has been around for centuries and we shouldn’t take it lightly. Certain numbers have certain meanings and significance. September 9th had a different significance for me; it was my oldest granddaughter’s seventh birthday. Seven years ago I became a grandfather and at that time was totally unaware of the event.

Bypassing any negative side of this story and cutting to the chase, November 1st, 1981 my first wife took off with my two children and within a year I had totally lost them. I couldn’t find them. I had no clue until 1995 and then all I was told was they were in Pennsylvania. Pennsylvania is a big state. I did hunt for them and did countless internet searches using every clue I had as well as anything else I could imagine leading me towards my children. Feel lucky if you know your children, my daughter was two and my son was two months old the last time I had seen them.

Very few people even knew I had children but I never denied them and I thought about them every day. It was something that haunted me for a very long time. My search continued and as the internet grew larger the more I searched. I found references to my son and his wife and I even located my first wife. I knew without a doubt she would not tell me anything. You would just have to know her to understand. I even paid one of those Internet sites to give me details and I got a telephone number for my son. I called and it was useless. My present wife was aware of my searching efforts and warned me not to be disappointed if I did find them and they rejected me. She said she didn’t want to see me getting hurt. I had to keep looking. If you have children I am sure you understand.

Finally on the last day of June, 2008 I got a hit on my daughter, it was a Saturday. The website was her employer and it even had a photograph. I knew it had to be her, because she looked like my sister at that age. I waited to call on Monday, thinking she wouldn’t be there on the weekend. This site gave me her married name and I continued to search even more, memorizing and jotting down even detail I could find.

Monday morning I tried to be patient and not start calling too early in the day. When I did get my daughter on the phone, I almost passed out. Instant connection much better than I could ever had imagined. My daughter and I have so much in common it is uncanny and she accepted me. She and I have stayed in touch on a regular basis even though she is a thousand miles away. I can’t tell you how many phone calls, e-mails, text messages, Facebook message we have exchanged. Not only do I still think of her every day like before, I actually get to talk to her now, know where she is and that she loves me. I get to tell her directly I love her now; not just in my prayers like before. I get to know my son-in-law and have a great amount of respect for him. I get to know and hear the sweet voices of my two granddaughters, encourage their antics and tell them I love them. After twenty-seven years of not knowing, the darkness has dissipated and the relationship between me and my first born evolved rapidly into more than anyone could hope for in life. Matter-of-fact, she set up this blog for me. I am extremely grateful for my daughter and love her very much.

Unfortunately my only son hasn’t decided whether he wants to know me or not. All I can do is respect his wishes and accept his decision as painful as it may be. I have received one e-mail from him, I answered but nothing since. Hopefully he understands that I never forgot or rejected him.

I am not going to lie and say my daughter and I haven’t talked about the past. When we visited this past April, we spent a lot of time talking to each other and several subjects were discussed. The good thing is we actually don’t dwell on the past. I guess we got it out of our systems and we don’t need to talk about it. We still talk to each other a whole bunch, but subjects of the present and future have become the topics of the day. Things like my granddaughter’s daily antics and vast cuteness are what we dwell on. Cooking, recipes, TV, weather, current events, school, health, dreams and ideas occupy our chats. We have talked for minutes and have talked for hours. She and I share many common interests and our conversations are of such what would be expected from a father-daughter relationship. I missed out on a lot of her life and growth but she has made it possible for the past to rush into the present leaving us with a healthy loving family relationship. I told her up front my intent was to cause no harm, and I think by now she knows I was being honest. I told her up front that I had no desire to speak negatively about her Mother and I would say that since July, 2008 she knows that when I call she doesn’t have to worry about being in the middle of something painful. We don’t need the past, we have now and tomorrow.

I won’t speak much about religion or politics because they are two volatile subjects. I will say this about what we are taught about forgiveness and redemption. Absolution from sins should cure us; forgiveness should give us a new day. Negativity, anger and hate only destroy us as a person. If I allowed the feelings of the past and spent all my time issuing blame, I wouldn’t be much use to anyone. My present marriage is a Godsend. I wasn’t looking for it, but I have been daily blessed by it. How could I participate in my marriage to my wonderful wife now, if I allowed the past to infiltrate my thoughts and actions?

Now I can fully appreciate my daughter and my granddaughters. My son-in-law and I can be friends and buddies, free to communicate without dread. My daughter can know that her father loves her and she can still refer to her adoptive father as Dad without me minding. I love her unconditionally like a father should and not cause her any disharmony. I guess since Wednesday I have been thinking about how blessed I am now to have found my children. It feels good to call a grandchild and say Happy Birthday. By the way, in case you aren’t aware, Grandchildren can do no wrong.

My recommendation is if you have children, hug them now, for there are people who don’t have that privilege. If you haven’t talked to your child, make time to talk. It feels good and if you lost that ability you will miss it greatly. I got to hug my baby girl for the first time in a very long time this year and I can still feel her arms around me. What was lost is now found. Thank you to my daughter for being my daughter. I love you.