First of November

The last few days I have been in a good mood, which has not been normal for the first of November.

Last Friday I made a crock-pot full of chili which turned out nice. I used some beef loin rather than ground beef. I didn't make it spicy as per Christy's request but it turned out delicious, even if I say so myself....

Saturday I went with my Bother in law to get my new rifle sighted in by a gunsmith. He was closed, so Christy and I went back today. This guy lives out in the boonies but uses a computer and a special mount to sight in scopes. I will go test it out before I go hunting. My Father in law swears by this guy's work. This gunsmith also used to make knives so it was a fun visit. BUT that is not why I was in a good mood rather than my usual All Saints Day depression.....

On November 1st, 1981, my first wife left with my two children stating she would return in three weeks. She said she was going to visit with her Mother in Oklahoma giving me some relief while I found a job. I had been laid off a couple of weeks earlier....She failed to return. It is not easy to explain my first wife.

Long story short and avoiding various details and nonsense....I lost contact with my children and had no idea even where they were until last year.....I got a hint they were in Pennsylvania in 1995 but I never actually found them. Efforts were made to prevent me from knowing their location....all it really did was increase my desire to find my two children.....I searched.....for years I searched.....

The Internet aided me in my search efforts but for years I had no luck.....I even drove through Pennsylvania looking through telephone books but with no luck.....

Fast forward....I finally found my daughter last year on the Internet and called her up....The first of July 2008.....We immediately connected or reconnected and have enjoyed a wonderful father/daughter relationship....even though we live a 1000 miles apart, she has a wonderful husband and two beautiful daughters of her own, we stay in contact. I was able to visit with her this past April and we enjoyed a week together....

Now that this is the second November I am enjoying after reconnecting with my long lost daughter....I noticed the absence of the depression I had for so many years not knowing...for 27 years I faced each Halloween and All Saints Day feeling bad because I was missing out on my two children....Now I don't have that situation anymore.....

My son still hasn't decided if he wants to reconnect and I have to give him time and room to decide...He was only two months old when I last saw him and he really doesn't know me. Plus I am sure he hasn't been told anything good about me...Maybe someday.

Thankfully I have my daughter and thankfully we were able to reconnect. Now we communicate through various means on a regular basis. The initial phase of reacquainting is over and our communication is a regular habit....We don't focus on the past or the whys. We live in the present and enjoy knowing each other. We share a lot of laughter and joint happiness.

My good mood replaced the sadness of the past. Now having a daughter is normal. In the past year and a half we have had several telephone conversations, e-mails, Twitter and Facebook messages....(Several is putting it mildly more like a whole bunch and more). I have an entire sub-directory of photographs of my granddaughters....My daughter set up this blog for me.....I finally get to tell her I love her and she can hear me....I never forgot her or denied she was mine....Maybe someday my son will wake up and see who I really am...

Now this November came about with a different tone. My thoughts and feelings are different....thoughts of my children are different now....I can focus on other things and know that whatever those thing are I can always talk to my daughter about them. I can tell her the silly things I said, we can laugh and share.....My father died in November 1993 and I even miss him...I wish I could tell him about my daughter and his great-grandchildren....I look around this year and see new babies in our family.....parents and children should not be separated....Do not take your family for granted...You might not realize what you are missing until you have lost them...and if you are ever denied your children or parents you will understand...I was lucky in having a second chance with my daughter and trust me I don't take it for granted....I am saddened by my son's reaction but out of respect I won't hound him....My daughter just had a birthday in October. She said her husband said she was getting old but I told her no, this was only the fourth birthday I have been able to tell her Happy Birthday....

Now I can call my baby girl up and tell her about the chili or the scope sighting or my wife's new niece or my new great-niece or the Shrine Club or anything....any I am sure she will fill me in on my granddaughters and the large cartoon characters she saw this past week.

I like this new November....feels good.....